When a manga’s been around as long as JJBA has, expect to find a lot of merch for it around. And when it has ‘bizarre’ in the name, expect the official goods to be weird, too.
Sure, you can buy the usual stuff: Jojo figures, Jojo cosplay, and Jojo DVDs. Finding those is barely scratching the surface. We’ve got pages and pages of results for Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure for you, pulled from Rakuten Marketplace, Amazon Japan, and Yahoo! Auctions.
So you know what you’re in for, we picked out some of the strangest stuff we found.
Yoshikage Kira-inspired necktie
The perfect finishing touch on a smart business suit. Whether it happens to have any blood on it or not…
Purple not your style? This tie comes in other colours. All with the same gold criss-cross pattern, because… diamond is unbreakable! It’s made by Japanese fashion brand ultra-violence. (Try not to get them confused with the metal band, unless you like that kinda stuff as well.) The company apparently shut down in 2015, so these fashion items are increasingly rare.
The ties were part of a Jojo-themed range, along with a bunch of other clothes and accessories like brooches, T-shirts, hoodies, and scarves. Take a real close look at your screen, and spot the ‘JOJO’ text and other patterns woven into the design. Now that’s attention to detail.
There are loads of different ways to tie a necktie. Hundreds. Some of them look more like elaborate restraining techniques than professional wear. What kind of knot would Kira use? Maybe a noose?
We dug up 2 of these: one for Phantom Blood and one for Battle Tendency. They’re officially licenced. But we suspect these cubes weren’t designed to be played with. Mix the colours up at your own risk.
We heard that Rubik’s Cubes are meant to be easy to solve. Easier than they look, anyway. We’ve never managed to get the hang of it. The world record for solving one is under 5 seconds. In the Jojo world, you bet Forever would hold that record and never let it go.
Joseph Joestar chopsticks
Finished in bright ‘Hermit Purple’ – and with the solemn stone face of Ishi Kamen alongside those hearts and pink diamonds. What will Premium Bandai think of next? It’s probably something other than chopsticks. As far as we know, they didn’t make so many different designs.
If the form and powers of Hermit Purple are anything to go by, eating with these is probably a bad idea. We think they were designed never to be taken out of the box. Alternatively, try using them as hair accessories.
(Bruno) Buccellati smartphone gloves
Y’know, those touchscreen gloves with the magical fingers. (Is it Buccellati or Bucciarati, by the way? We’re not 100% sure.) Seems appropriate. After all, Bruno’s Stand is Sticky Fingers, but getting those near your smartphone screen would be asking for trouble.
Jojo’s crazy pop culture references are strong with the Stands. A zipper on the real-world Sticky Fingers album was how you opened it to get the disc. The only zips on these gloves are printed. No unfortunate skin-loosening accidents to worry about. They do ‘hang’ from the back of the hands the same way as Sticky F.
Ishi Kamen cushion
Who’d dare rest on such a powerful and rare artefact? It’s more comfortable than it looks. On Amazon Japan, it’s even in the ‘moe goods’ category. As a unisex product that’s suitable for those aged 15 and over. Just try and keep it away from your face… oh. Never mind, then.
Looks like it’s got a squishy soft purple back, instead of stone tendrils trying to poke your brain. And really, if a cushion tried to do that we’d be concerned. Besides, some of the reviews claim that this one’s heavier than it looks. We wouldn’t be surprised to find a rockery hiding inside.
The ‘JOJORAMA’ diorama
A ‘diorama’ is meant to be a 3D model of something, either actual size or tiny. It’s not all about DIO, for once.
This tiny replica of Morioh Town throws geography and scale models to the wind. We know all the Jojos are meant to be tall, sure. What’s the point of having a house when you’re too tall to get through the front door? Take this box, for example:
Jotarou Kujo’s about 195cm in the manga/anime. By the look of these models, ‘seemingly average height’ Tomoko Higashikata stands roughly the same. And they tower over the spiky rock from Morioh’s Boing-Boing Cape together.
You might care about the heights of your anime figures, and you might not. It’s hard to be concerned about accuracy when you love a show that’s so crazy.
See where your bizarre Japan shopping adventures lead
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